3 Signs You’re Being Too Nice to Your Employees

“Am I being too nice?”

While being understanding and supportive are important qualities for any manager, many of us struggle with being too nice. As modern managers try to break the mold of old-fashioned, hard-driving bosses, some have swung too far the other way. And in an era oftelecommuting, flexible work schedules, and collaborative workspaces, drawing a line between boss and friend can be harder than ever.

But there’s a risk with that. If being “nice” leads to managers putting off addressing workplace issues, problems can fester within the team and mediocrity can flourish. And perhaps worst of all, team members may struggle to grow if they’re not pushed out of their comfort zones, ultimately damaging both the employee’s career development and overall team dynamics. When you think of it like that, being “too nice” isn’t very nice at all.

Wondering if you might be going a little too easy on your team? Here are three telltale signs you’ve crossed into “too-nice” territory:

1. You’re Slow to Make Decisions

When it comes time to make workplace changes or decisions that affect your team, do you feel the need to delay decision-making until you’ve weighed and discussed potential concerns with every member of your team? While you certainly don’t want to rule your team like a dictator, the inability to make decisions until you’ve gained the full support of your direct reports is a sure sign you’re taking the notion of inclusion too far.

2. You Make Excuses for Underperformers

When employees are struggling to meet performance standards for their job, perhaps you naturally fall into a more nurturing role. Do you find yourself making excuses for employees’ performance issues—especially those employees you like on a personal level? Remember, employees, particularly those who are struggling, need mentoring and support, not mothering and excuses.

3. You Find Yourself Playing Counselor

All good managers want their people to trust them, and when you spend upward of 50 hours a week with your colleagues, you are likely to be exposed to a lot of their personal life. However, if your direct reports regularly flop down at your desk to complain about their latest dating disaster or shed tears about an argument with a friend, chances are the lines between boss and friend are a bit blurry.

If this sounds like you, there’s good news: Acknowledging that you might be a “too-nice” boss is the first step toward improvement. If you’re not sure, try asking colleagues, friends, and even your boss for feedback. Or, try tofind a mentor who you think strikes the right balance. Think about leaders you’ve met in your career who did a particularly good job nurturing and pushing their teams, and see if they’ll share insights with you.

With some small adjustments to your approach and attitude, you may quickly find your relationship with your direct reports evolves from one of “buddies” to one of mutual respect. And isn’t that a better foundation for shared fulfillment and success?

How to work a room at an important networking event

While I’m a people person at heart, networking will never be something I look forward to. But I also understand that it’s a necessary and important part of the job, so I developed five tips to help you make the most of every opportunity:

1. Pick your events carefully 
I could easily attend an event 10 nights out of every month if I wanted to — from CEO dinners to local tech events, investor cocktail parties and monthly startup volleyball, among others. I used to attend everything I could until it dawned on me that half of the events weren’t meeting personal needs (e.g. to have fun) or furthering my business, and I was seeing many of the same people over and over again.

I’m much more discerning and strategic now about how I spend my time and who I spend it with. Consciously think about what the event is going to get you and whether or not it’s worth it for you to be there.

2. Plan ahead
Is it an event or activity geared to making connections with potential customers, investors or someone else relevant to your business? If so, do your homework first. Try to find out who’s going to be there. Reach out ahead of time and see if you can lay a soft foundation for meeting one to three new people. Making a connection in advance completely eliminates the awkwardness of starting from ground zero when you get there. I’ll bet it helps the other person, too.

3. Set a goal 
Here are a few potential goals to think about achieving: Meet a minimum number of new people; practice your sales elevator pitch two times; practice an opening greeting or two to see what works; and be on the receiving end of someone else’s pitch. Figuring out even one meaningful takeaway will make your goals worth the time. Give yourself a networking challenge like talking to three people who are wearing blue at an event.

4. Show up early and look your best
It’s much easier to engage with someone new when there aren’t many people in the room. And once you’ve had one conversation, it’s easier to move onto the next. Dress for success. People like to speak to other people who look confident and put together.

5. Don’t be a cling-on
We all know the type, and we’ve all been there. After working up the courage to speak to someone who looks equally uncomfortable, it isn’t wise to cling to each other for the rest of the night. Force yourself to move on. In fact, if you start a conversation that quickly seems like it won’t prove to be of value, end it politely with, “It’s been lovely talking to you, but I don’t want to monopolize your evening.” Then catch the eye of another person. In fact, catching the eye of anyone within spitting distance gives you the immediate opening to say, “Hi, there. Have we met before?” Don’t let that opportunity slip away.

The trick to networking is doing it with purpose. Have a plan, and even if you don’t come away with a new prospective customer or investor, you hopefully would have left a lasting and positive impression that pays dividends down the road.

The Key To Finding Job Happiness and don't follow your passion

(This article is adapted from the new book Doing Good Better: How Effective Altruism Can Help You Make a Difference by William MacAskill)

Career advice is commonly built around slogans like “follow your heart” or “follow your passion.” A popularYouTube video, What If Money Was No Object?,narrated by British writer Alan Watts, suggests that unless you ask yourself “What makes you itch?” and pursue the answer you will “spend your life completely wasting your time.

Taken literally, however, the idea of following your passion is terrible advice. I co-founded a nonprofit,80,000 Hours (the name refers to the number of hours you typically work in your life) to answer the question of how people can choose the careers that will enable them to have the biggest social impact. In the course of four years of research, one of our conclusions is that believing you must find some preordained “passion” and then pursue jobs that match it is all wrong.

3 Problems With Pursing Your Passion

First, and most simply, most people don’t have passions that fit the world of work.

In one study of Canadian college students, it was found that 84% of students had passions, and 90% of these involved sports, music, and art. But only 3% of jobs are in the sports, music and art industries.

Indeed, often the fact that you’re passionate about something is a good reason why it will be difficult to find a job in that area, since you have to compete with all the other people who are passionate about the same thing.

Second, your interests change.

Psychologists Jordi Quoidbach, Daniel T. Gilbert and Timothy Wilson have shown that happens much more than we anticipate, so we overrate the importance of our interests. Just think about what you were most interested in ten years ago; chances are, it’s completely different from what you’re interested in today.

If you focus only on what you’re currently passionate about, you risk committing to projects that you soon find you’re no longer interested in.

This leads to the third point against passion: The best predictors of job satisfaction are features of the job itself, rather than facts about personal passion. So if you find work with certain important features, passion will follow.

The 5 Factors of Job Satisfaction

Research shows that the most consistent predictor of job satisfaction is engaging work, which can be broken down into five factors:

Independence To what extent do you have control over how you go about your work?

Sense of completion To what extent does the job involve completing a whole piece of work so your contribution to the end product is easily visible?

Variety To what extent does the job require you to perform a range of different activities, using different skills and talents?

Feedback from the job How easy is it to know whether you’re performing well or badly?

Contribution To what extent does your work “make a difference,” as defined by positive contributions to the well-being of other people?

Each of these factors also correlates with motivation, productivity and commitment to your employer. Moreover, they’re similar to those required to develop flow, the pleasurable state of being so immersed in an activity that you’re completely free of distractions and lose track of time. Some psychologists argue this is the key to having genuinely satisfying experiences.

Other factors that also matter to your job satisfaction include: whether you get a sense of achievement from the work, how much support you get from your colleagues and “hygiene” factors, such as not having unfair pay or a very long commute. You’ll notice, they have little to do with whether the work involves one of your “passions.”

In short, passion is a poor way to determine whether a given career path will make you happy. Rather, passion grows out of work that has the right features.

Of course, personal factors are relevant to choosing the right career: different people have abilities in different areas, and it’s important to find a career that’s a good match for your particular abilities. But at 80,000 Hours, we prefer to talk about “personal fit,” rather than “passion.” Finding a career that’s the right fit for you is crucial, but believing you must find some preordained ‘passion’ and then pursue jobs that match it is all wrong.

To assess your “personal fit” with a career, the key question you should ask yourself is:

How good would I become at this career, if I were to invest the time, compared to other careers I might choose?

The focus is, first, on doing something at which you’ll excel, because a core part of doing work you love is doing something at which you develop a mastery. This is relevant to how much of a social impact you make in your work, too: If you’re not in a job where you’ll excelling, you’ll be less productive and more likely to burn out, resulting in less impact in the long-term.

Second, the focus is on what you could become good at. If you’re straight out of university, you probably don’t yet have skills in management, marketing or coding, but you might have skills in music, sports and your major. If you were thinking just about what you’re currently good at, you might narrow down your options to becoming a flautist, baseball player or philosopher. That would be a mistake.

Should You Follow Your Gut?

What about “following your” gut to find work you love? The evidence suggests that won’t work, either, since we’re bad at predicting what will make us happy. You might plan your life believing you’ll never want to have kids, but then find when you’re 30 that your preferences change dramatically. Simulating future events is hard to do.

It’s difficult to predict where you’ll be most satisfied and where you’ll perform the best. Even corporate recruiters regularly make mistakes, and they have huge amounts of resources at their disposal to find the people who fit best.

If you want to predict how well you’ll perform, the first step is to learn as much about the work as you can. Speak to people in the job, ask which traits they think are most important to success and see how you measure up. Ask why people end up leaving the job. Find out how people similar to you have performed in the past.

Identifying a job with good “personal fit” involves finding out as much about a job as you can, because it’s the features of the job itself that are much more important in determining how well you succeed and enjoy your work than whether that job corresponds with your preexisting passions.

How Introverts Can Network Powerfully: 5 Key Ways To Rock At Networking When You Hate It

This summer, a key finding emerged from my career transformation course The Amazing Career Project that truly surprised me. In this session, there are 75 members from around the world, and 30 have signed up so far for private career consulting to receive an added level of support. Of these 30 clients, the vast majority (90%) self-report as introverts. And in the past five years, scores of introverts have revealed to me (often with some shame, embarrassment and frustration) that they struggle to engage in activities that are commonly prescribed as essential for professional success, including, “power networking,” socializing outside of work with colleagues, public speaking and presenting, leading groups, broadcasting your talents, and connecting with strangers via social media, to name a few.

Just for the record, I want to share an important description of the extroversion/introversion issue, from Susan Cain, a recognized author and expert on introversion, and a leader in the “Quiet Revolution” (check out her thought-provoking TED talk The Power of Introverts). Susan has shared this about introverts highlighting how overlooked they are and feel in today’s extroverted world:

Depending on which study you consult, one-third to one-half of Americans are introverts — in other words, one out of every two or three people you know… If these statistics surprise you, that’s probably because so many people pretend to be extroverts…It makes sense that so many introverts hide even from themselves. We live with a value system that I call the Extrovert Ideal — the omnipresent belief that the ideal self is gregarious, alpha, and comfortable in the spotlight. The archetypal extrovert prefers action to contemplation, risk- taking to heed-taking, certainty to doubt. He favors quick decisions, even at the risk of being wrong. She works well in teams and socializes in groups.

We like to think that we value individuality, but all too often we admire one type of individual — the kind who’s comfortable “putting himself out there.” Sure, we allow technologically gifted loners who launch companies in garages to have any personality they please, but they are the exceptions, not the rule, and our tolerance extends mainly to those who get fabulously wealthy or hold the promise of doing so.

While introverts rightly resist being held to an ill-fitting standard, professionals today do indeed need to find a way to muster the energy and courage to network and build a powerful support community. If they don’t, they’ll miss out on critical advice, feedback, mentorship and sponsorship essential for their growth.

Dorie Clark (Photo by Marilyn Humphries)

To learn more about how introverts can network successfully (even if they hate it), I caught up with Dorie Clark, the author of Reinventing You and a great new book Stand Out: How to Find Your Breakthrough Idea and Build a Following Around It. A former presidential campaign spokeswoman, Dorie teaches at Duke University’s Fuqua School of Business, and is a consultant and speaker for clients such as Google, Morgan Stanley and the World Bank.  I’ve seen Dorie in action as a networker and true connector, and her approach is empowering and enlivening for everyone involved.

Here’s what Dorie shares:

Kathy Caprino: Dorie, would you consider yourself an introvert?

Dorie Clark: I definitely consider myself an introvert. I enjoy connecting with people and organizing events, but I really need to rest up afterward. If I have to be ‘on’ for too long, it gets incredibly psychologically tiring for me. I’ll notice myself getting irritable and need to recharge (by being alone, reading, etc.) in order to be able to enjoy myself again and be a good guest or host.

Caprino: What’s your best advice for someone who hates networking?

Clark:  The most important thing to understand is that there isn’t one right way to do networking – certainly not just attending the archetypal “networking event” where you trade business cards with strangers. In fact, that’s one of the least effective ways to network. Instead, introverts can play to their strengths by inviting people for 1-1 coffees, hosting small dinner gatherings, or even “networking” online by writing blog posts and attracting others to them. All of those strategies are far less emotionally exhausting than having to go up to strangers and make small talk.

Caprino: What can introverts do to reach out to strangers more successfully?

Clark: The first thing introverts can do is ensure they’re talking to fewer strangers in the first place. There are plenty of new and interesting people to meet who already have some connection to you, so ask for suggestions from friends and colleagues about who they know that they think you should connect with. Or go through your friends’ LinkedIn profiles, identify interesting contacts they have, and ask for an introduction. I often host joint dinner parties with a friend where I invite 3-4 people and he does the same, so I’m meeting strangers but in a controlled setting where we have someone in common and he can help facilitate the conversation. When you already have a connection with someone, it’s far easier to feel comfortable and enjoy building the relationship.

Caprino: How can we make a favorable impression right away?

Clark: When I interviewed famed psychologist Robert Cialdini, whom I profiled in my new e-book Stand Out Networking, he told me  the best way to make a favorable impression is to find a commonality with the person you’re talking to – as quickly as possible. If you know who is going to attend in advance (if an event guest list has been published), you can do a bit of online research and look for things you have in common. And if you’re meeting someone blind, you can still try to steer the conversation to discover shared interests, whether it’s a hobby, an alma mater, the neighborhood where you live, where your kids go to school, etc. This immediately helps the person view you as part of their circle – an “us” rather than a “them.”

Caprino: What’s the best way to build a networking relationship online?

Clark: The key in online networking is to realize it’s not an end unto itself. It can be a good starting point; for instance, I have friends who first reached out to me on Twitter and we subsequently built relationships. It can also be a great way to stay in touch with people you already know and to keep yourself top of mind; a quick tweet or message on LinkedIn is a nice way to share interesting articles, compliment someone if they published an interesting article, or the like. But on its own, that’s not enough.

At some point, you need to connect in person. If you’re heading to a conference, think about which online contacts in your industry might also be there and invite them for a cup of coffee. If you’re taking a vacation or business trip to a certain city, look in your database to see who lives there that you’d like to meet. That’s what cements online relationships for life.

Caprino: How can you identify immediately the people you stay away from?

Clark: Recent research has shown the important role of the “second brain” in your stomach – the source of “gut feelings.” If someone is making you uncomfortable for any reason – they’re talking way too much about themselves, engaging in over-the-top boasting, or seem sketchy in some way – then listen to your instinct and move along to networking with someone who feels more simpatico. Life’s too short to waste time on people you don’t enjoy.

Caprino: Finally, what role does luck play in networking and how can you increase your luck?

Clark: In Stand Out, I profiled Anthony Tjan, a venture capitalist who co-authored a book called Hearts, Smarts, Guts, and Luck that sought to understand the characteristics of successful entrepreneurs and top executives. Interestingly, a substantial portion – a full 25% of these successful leaders – self-identified as ‘lucky.’ That might sound strange or somehow self-deprecating. Are they saying they didn’t deserve their success or weren’t qualified for it? But actually, the story is far more interesting.

It turns out that what is understood as ‘luck’ is actually the combination of two other powerful attitudes that anyone can cultivate: curiosity and humility. Many people are so focused on the goal at hand – I have to meet this person, so they can do XYZ for me! – they often overlook the other interesting people around them.

In contrast, the luck-driven entrepreneurs are curious about others and humble enough to realize they have a lot to learn from everyone, whether or not that person is a famous journalist or a top VC or just a ‘regular person.’ Because surprisingly often, that ‘regular person’ may be exactly who you need in your life a year or five years or 10 years down the road, but everyone else ignored them. It’s very possible to increase your luck, if you’re willing to be curious and humble about those around you.

For more information, visit Dorie Clark, her new book Stand Out, and download her free Stand Out Self-Assessment Workbook.

Simplifying life at Work

Start by looking for the simple solution to things, at least as a first step. This can be almost laughably easy. What’s the first thing you should do when your computer, printer or modem freezes? Unplug. Before I learned that little lesson, how much time did I waste looking at manuals, waiting for tech support and calling customer service?

Creating complexity-free zones at work  could be a lot tougher, depending on what you do, but here are three ideas that could help.

Don’t constantly check your email. The only way to do that is to exit Outlook, or whatever email service you use. The temptation to check what’s there is too great otherwise. Carve out a time period — start with 20 minutes and move up to two hours, or longer — when you’re just not connected. This might not be feasible for everyone, but 20 minutes is a manageable start for most.

If you can’t do that, your problem is less that you’ve got too much to do and likely more about email addiction. By the way, phones still work, so it’s not as if you’re locking yourself up in a monastery by shutting down Outlook for a bit.

React less. Many managers spend their days fighting fires, reacting to what is happening, rather than controlling events. You can get better at this by building a 15-minute “reflection break” into as many of your days as possible. This is time where you think – I know, almost unheard of in our 24/7 world. Think about what you should do better, differently, or not at all. Take the time to be more proactive, rather than reactive. The greater sense of control that comes with reflection will pay for itself many times over in the form of reduced stress.

Use your resources. Imagine you could magically create a team of people who can contribute rather than having to do everything yourself. Newsflash: If you’re a manager, you’ve probably got people reporting to you already.

The best managers are great delegators. Are you? It’s not simple to be a manager, but the principles of delegation are simple enough. Set clear goals. Empower people to take charge. Hold them accountable. Coach them. You’ll know you’re getting this reasonably right when you feel confident enough to take your reflection breaks every day.

All of these suggestions have one thing in common that is as valuable as anything you can imagine — they create time. With time comes greater control and less stress. Simplicity is one of those rare states where the old adage that less is more actually holds true.

Tips for productivity

We often focus on the immediate task at hand, forgetting about the end result we are ultimately striving for. It’s up to you to maximize your time, set goals and make them known to your colleagues and customers. By making people aware of your agenda and respecting their time, they will in turn work more efficiently for you

Plan aheadIf you don’t know what’s coming up on the horizon, it’s easy to lose sight of your goal. Always prepare for what is to come. Look two weeks out to make sure you are aware of fast approaching deadlines. Set aside time to do a full calendar review six months or a year out to make sure you are on track with your yearly goals as well.

A quick phone call is better than back and forth emails
A quick phone call can save a lot of back and forth on email. If you’re typing more than three lines, pick up the phone.

Make it easy for your team to communicateFile sharing, office communicator, remote access and mobile devices allow us all to stay connected in this hyperconnected world. As useful as these tools are for you and your teams, it’s also important not to sacrifice security for convenience. Be aware of the risks associated with corporate information leaving the security of the workplace. Evaluate your firm’s use of cloud storage and file sharing sites to ensure data is protected.

If an email is longer than three lines, pick up the phone.

Leadership Insider is an online community where the biggest names in business and beyond answer timely career and leadership questions. Today’s answer for: What’s your best advice for staying productive at work? is written by Robert Herjavec, founder of Herjavec Group.

Between endless hours spent traveling and the flood of emails we receive daily, it’s easier than ever to get lost in the back and forth. We often focus on the immediate task at hand, forgetting about the end result we are ultimately striving for. It’s up to you to maximize your time, set goals and make them known to your colleagues and customers. By making people aware of your agenda and respecting their time, they will in turn work more efficiently for you.

Plan aheadIf you don’t know what’s coming up on the horizon, it’s easy to lose sight of your goal. Always prepare for what is to come. Look two weeks out to make sure you are aware of fast approaching deadlines. Set aside time to do a full calendar review six months or a year out to make sure you are on track with your yearly goals as well.

Book meetings in close proximityIt’s a rare occasion when I fly across the country for just one meeting. Think about what other clients and customers you could potentially meet with when booking long distance trips. Your time is valuable. Be strategic about what you need to accomplish and how to maximize your commuting time.

Get comfortable with working remotelyI probably spend half my time on a plane. I use this time to catch up on emails. Staying connected to the business while on the road is key. A quick phone call can save a lot of back and forth on email. If you’re typing more than three lines, pick up the phone.

Make it easy for your team to communicateFile sharing, office communicator, remote access and mobile devices allow us all to stay connected in this hyperconnected world. As useful as these tools are for you and your teams, it’s also important not to sacrifice security for convenience. Be aware of the risks associated with corporate information leaving the security of the workplace. Evaluate your firm’s use of cloud storage and file sharing sites to ensure data is protected.

Be present and prepared
Don’t waste the time of others and they won’t waste yours. Before I head into a meeting, conference or speaking engagement I always take time to review and reflect on why I’m attending. What do I want to get out of the meeting? What are people expecting me to provide? When you are focused and present, the people you are interacting with are inclined to do the same

Meetings

Meetings should be short, drawn up with a strict agenda, and given a time limit. Do it only when soliciting advice to resolve an issue. Status reporting can be done by individuals and does not need meetings for all to attend